What is Attachment Theory?
As human beings we have an inborn attachment system, a biological drive to connect. Attachment is an emotional bond with another person. Attachment bonds are important throughout our life span. We can be securely connected to our romantic partners, our children, our parents, and our friends!
Attachment theory studies our biological drive to connect with other human beings.
When we are born we are reliant on the care of our parents or caregivers to survive. If we receive reliable nurture, attunement and care from the adults in our life, we develop a secure state of mind. Our internal working model becomes one of trust and security. As we grow and begin to explore the world, caregivers are experienced as a safe haven, a secure base to explore life from. Secure attachment gives the child the experience of feeling safe, protected, loved, and accurately reflected.
Secure Attachment Is Best!
People with a secure attachment style are resilient, trust that they are lovable, seek out social support, have higher self-esteem, and are better able to cope with stress. They are generally happy, reach out for help when they need it, have a greater sense of self-agency, are better emotionally regulated, and enjoy intimate committed relationships.
Although you may currently have an insecure attachment style, or internal working model of relationships, I can help you move towards ‘earned secure’ attachment!
Insecure Attachment Styles
Our insecure attachment style is not who we are, but rather developed as a strategy to minimize the hurt of not being met optimally by our primary caregivers.
There are three distinct insecure attachment styles:
Anxious Ambivalent- Also known as ‘preoccupied.’ A highly activated attachment system. Right brain dominant, more emotional. Seeks closeness & intimacy. Fear of being abandoned. Worried you are a burden.
Anxious Avoidant- Also known as ‘dismissive.’ A de-activated attachment system. Left brain dominant, less emotional. Independent, intimacy averse. Fear of being trapped and intruded upon. Worried you will be blamed.
Disorganized- No organized strategy. Results when frightening or abusive parental behavior places child in an irresolvable conflict: the desire to move toward the caregiver and flee from the source of fear, when they're one and the same person.
‘Earned Secure’ Attachment
No matter what your current attachment style is, you can move towards a more secure state of mind.
Neuroplasticity refers to the ability of neural networks in the brain to change with new experiences.
The brain continues to remodel itself in response to experience throughout our lives, and our emerging understanding of neuroplasticity is showing us how relationships can stimulate neuronal activation and even remove the synaptic legacy of early social experience.
This is where therapy comes in. Corrective experiences rewire the brain. It is possible to create a secure state of mind as an adult, even in the face of a difficult childhood.
Whether you are currently more anxious about relationships, or avoidant of intimacy, I have the training and skills to guide you to update and heal your early relational imprints.
I will support you in moving into a more secure attachment style so that you can meet the world feeling more safe, secure, and connected.
Attachment Bonds Throughout the Lifespan
The need for connection is our first and most basic instinct. And it doesn’t end as our period of dependency as children ends. We form enduring emotional bonds throughout our lifespan. Romantic love is an attachment bond, as are close friendships. These trusted relationships buffer us from stress and make us stronger in the face of life’s challenges, as well as supporting us to be physiologically healthier and more resilient!
The origins of Attachment Theory
British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby began developing attachment theory in the 1940’s in England.
Bowlby used the term ‘attachment’ to describe the emotional bond the develops between an infant and primary caregiver. He believed that the ‘attachment behavioural’ system is innate and has an evolutionary function to assure the survival of the species.
Bowlby’s thinking was influenced by his study of how other mammals rear their young. Whereas young ground-dwelling animals run to a place of protection when frightened, primates like chimpanzees and gorillas run to a protective adult, who then carries them to safety. As he focused on the developmental significance of this survival pattern, Bowlby concluded that humans—the most dependent of mammal infants—are wired like their primate cousins to form attachments, because they couldn’t survive without them.
Bowlby laid the foundation for a shift from seeing people as individuals somehow standing apart from their social environment to a more fine-tuned grasp of just how deeply relational human nature is. Infants are attached to their caregivers not because caregivers feed them, but because caregivers trigger the unfolding of infants' inborn disposition to seek closeness with a protective other.
Mary Ainsworth, an American-Canadian developmental psychologist, brought Bowlby’s theory of attachment alive when she developed the ‘strange situation’ experiment in the 1960’s.
If secure attachment isn't an inborn trait but a quality of the relationship that's being examined, how is this to be defined and measured?
The ‘strange situation’ experiment is a standardized procedure where a mother, child, and stranger are in a play room. The mother leaves the room for a short period of time, and then returns. The patterns of the child's behaviour and distress upon separation and return classify them as having secure attachment, or one of the insecure attachment styles.
Ainsworth first developed the hypothesis that ‘attunement,’ the sensitive responsiveness to the infant's cues, was the critical factor in determining the type and quality of an infant's attachment. Attunement, or sensitivity, requires that the caregiver perceive, make sense of, and respond in a timely and effective manner to the actual moment-to-moment signals sent by the child.
She found that when caregivers promptly and effectively responded to young infants' cries, the babies cried less by the end of the first year. The securely attached children had learned that their caregivers were reliable and therefore subtler expressions of their distress and needs would generate responses—they didn't need to be crybabies to get the attention they sought. Infants who develop confidence in their caregivers are securely attached because their caregivers have proven to be reliable.
“Love is not the least bit illogical or random, but an ordered and wise recipe for survival. The need for connection is our first and most basic instinct.”
— Dr. Sue Johnson